I tried. I promise you I fucking tried. I tried to be enough to love. I tried to be a friend. I tried to keep her safe. I god damn tried so hard. But, he keeps reminding me all the ways I fail, and his voice is louder than mine, tougher than mine, more convincing than mine, so I believe him. I believe him when he says I’m nothing. I believe him when he says I’m unloveable. I believe him when he says I’m too fucking much. I kept expecting some sort of empathy. Some kind of bre

Yesterday you broke my dad’s heart a little more than it was the day before; the lifetime before that was bad enough but you had to spit your pride and arrogance out like venom. You just had to watch him bleed a little more cause it must’ve made you feel more like a man to make a grown man cry the day after Father’s Day when you cut down the tree he planted twenty years ago with his youngest daughter that stopped loving him and broke him more. You know he feels like a failure

Go on now and tell yourself it’s what you need that you just enjoy time to yourself your autonomy is important and it’s nothing i’ve done or maybe it’s everything I’ve done and don’t and will and might and should and won’t. I can’t blame you but if I ask for the same it’s a fight, a big struggle of who-loves-who less and who-needs-who more and that I just don’t do enough, I’m not enough, I’m too much and just enough but you can’t decide who I am and what I am to you on any g

I love yous are meaningless when I hate you holds more passion. You pick at my soul like a sale on high fashion Too much to love, not enough to cherish; just your second-choice prize when forever has perished. I’ll never be her, as sexual and obedient, or her- perfect and clean. Just your dirty little cutting board, I remain cut, forsaken and unseen. Raised with rigid expectations of a full-time working slave. Forty weekly hours “All day everyday;” forty more “therapist, mot

Soaked in tar and bloodied ashes Everything I speak comes with lashes Nails dig deep beneath my cage Everything he says seethes with hate. Can’t come to terms with anything good Words drip from him with a victim hood So he spits barbed wire into all my scars I know he knows it breaks my heart. Anger’s the center of his solar system Cant run away, and can’t live with him Stiff as the boards he screws to the wall Rotten as the names he loves to call This master manic monster ma

She swore an oath to support and defend against all enemies, foreign and domestic. To protect a constitution young boys died giving her, to give her daughter. Nobody mentioned the enemies in tailored suits, smiling under soft box lighting, shaking hands for cameras while their names sit blacked out on flight logs and victim files. She raised her right hand, so many damn times, while theirs were busy accepting bribes, redacting paragraphs, And perfecting the angle of denial. T

I think when God pushed the software update through, he must’ve forgotten a bug in my code; the part for impulsivity, Self-control, Self-soothing. Self worth. Or maybe he just wanted entertainment, a rare commodity in a neurotypical world; like watching a broken toy flailing, crashing, burning, dying. God doesn’t want me; neither does he. Neither do they. Neither do I. Cancer. Virus. Plague. Burden. God either makes mistakes, Or he broke me for a laugh.

V1) I’m just a sinking ship And everybody already knows it Grasping and gasping for air Something to hold onto V2) I’m just here fading fast While everybody whizzes by Looking for their next big win Hopefully without me B) Nobody believes you when you say you’re not okay And everybody acts so shocked when you try to run away Honey, it’s just a permanent vacation One I’ve stolen, begged, and borrowed Time to pay the interest fees Cause the loan shark is a devil Disguising six

If you speak your mind, you’re a burden But no one ever cares when you’re hurting If my lips stay closed, I’m suffering But you don’t hear me when I say you’re killing me. Bridge: Your hands are wrapped around my neck You withhold but demand you get respect… I feel like a ghost Standing right there by you screaming In your face In your brain I feel like I’ve gone insane Chorus: It’s a nightmare Wanna run away Take my hand Take a stand I’m right here You’re not there Be aware

Verse: All the things you said are lovely Are what you use against me All the strengths inside my soul Are what you’re slowly breaking Bridge: Draining, it’s raining, I’m feigning I’m okay. Straining, frustrating, you’re staying Just to stay. Chorus: I just wanna be someone who Gets to be someone loved by you Without all the conditions Needless of reminiscence I just wanna be someone who Isn’t at fault for breathing Gets to be wild and freeing Without the fear of you leaving

In a lineup of all your favorite players I’d be the last face you’d choose. No one picks the water boy to play, knowing that they’ll lose. Down your favorite candy aisle I’m not the chocolate, gummies or caramels; I’m that sugar-free glob your grandma packs in her bottom purse, dusted in sunflower shells. On Christmas Eve, I’m not the hottest toy, or newest game to play. I’m the socks, the ugly sweater, or your old aunt’s weird crochet. I’m not the girl you want to sit with.

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