Dear Anyone,

I tried. I promise you I fucking tried. I tried to be enough to love. I tried to be a friend. I tried to keep her safe. I god damn tried so hard.

But, he keeps reminding me all the ways I fail, and his voice is louder than mine, tougher than mine, more convincing than mine, so I believe him.

I believe him when he says I’m nothing. I believe him when he says I’m unloveable. I believe him when he says I’m too fucking much.

I kept expecting some sort of empathy. Some kind of breakthrough or religious awakening, but all I can seem to find are dark empty eyes and fake I love yous that don’t seem to land as superficially radiant as the ones before.

I keep waiting for a strong grip to come across that bathroom threshold and just tell me I’m enough, to tell me I’m just hurting and that’s okay, and he’ll be there to help me through it,

But I’ve lost that map, and my mind and madness is all I see sometimes, so maybe this is just who I am, and what am I if not emotional wreckage in a game I never learned the rules to?

So Anyone, I’m sorry I couldn’t be that magical creature in the fairytales that’s covered in sparkle and dreams and whimsy. I’m sorry I’m just a person with feelings to hurt and a heart to break.

I didn’t realize god made humans that found pleasure in breaking other humans, but I’m learning that quicker than I’ve learned to fly, albeit way too close to the sun.