Things Every Passenger Should Know (Unless They Fly Frontier)

The officer (not agent) said face down on the screen,

So, I took my whole face and laid it down.

I can’t fathom why she laughed at me,

And then she put my boarding pass on the screen.

Shoes off; I forgot my socks.

But walking on the sides of my feet will keep the germs away,

Even if I put them flat on the yellow marks,

Where a million people did before me.

But, they let me keep my 75,000 ounce shampoo at (insert airport here)!

I’ll write a big Facebook complaint.

There are more important things going on in the world,

Than taking away a silly shampoo.

He just told me I can’t have my sealed water,

But water isn’t a liquid.

Do I look like a terrorist?

I fly every week.

You can’t take away my box cutter.

Not like it could take down a plane anyway,

You don’t even know what you’re talking about.

This is America; I have rights.