Tesla

You’re just a blip in my history. If someone weren’t looking for you, they’d never even know you were there. Perhaps that’s the way you wanted it; to get out before they noticed you. Everything progressed so fast. As suddenly as you came into my life, you were also gone. Sometimes I don’t even know if you were really here. I think if it weren’t for the things you left behind, I wouldn’t believe you once slept next to me every night, or that you fought for my affection.

I often think of your first week here and how you cried in my car because you were convinced I’d leave you. Maybe you left me before I could. I don’t really know what your reasoning is- self-preservation or self-sabotage? All I know is that I would’ve done everything for you, but it wasn’t enough. That’s what hurts the most. I gave you all I had to give of me, but it wasn’t the right parts. I keep thinking through the weeks you were here and trying to piece together which parts of me you don’t like. You were adamant that you still love me, but how can someone in love pack up and drive away voluntarily? I think the worst part of this, is that now I question everything. Nothing feels like it was real, and that hurts more than anything. I feel like I’ve been conned. I feel used. I feel worthless and I hate it. How can I raise strong daughters while I’m falling apart?

I’ll keep going. I always do. I wish you happiness. Well, most of me does. Part of me hopes you have all of the worst luck and that your stupid car falls apart before you even make the first payment. I won’t ever tell you that though.

#je