Superstar

He’s broken my heart a thousand times since taking that photograph, and he doesn’t even know it. All of the light reflecting from his face- that wasn’t love, it was a conquest. It’s as if he has been presented with a new challenge that he must complete to move up to the next big fight.

All of the romancing, talks of building and having a family, even the way he almost begged me with his eyes to love him, it wasn’t for me, it wasn’t even about me. It was so he could love himself. Someone well-versed in getting the world to love them, inherently knows everything to say to make them think they’re loved back.

I suspect that when a person no longer has what he needs, he moves on to the next. It isn’t about what can be shared between two people. It’s not about growing with someone. It’s about reaching the top, where everyone else is just at your feet.

So, when I’m sitting in the back of the room feeling myself dissolve into the background, the true gravity of my lack of importance deeply sets in. I disappear when I’m with him, and no one even saw me sitting there in the first place.

Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter how much of yourself you give to another person, it’ll never be enough. And, when you finally put your hand up and beg for something more, all you’ll get in return is, “maybe this just isn’t proper timing”. And it never will be, because if it ever were, he would have to give something back. He’d have to make sacrifices just like you. He’d have to let go of self and instead embrace each other. And, that’s just not something he will ever do.