Journal #7

I am an excellent verbal communicator- on most days. I try to be friendly and engaging, look people in their eyes when they speak, rephrase what they say and offer conversation back to them.

My mother always stressed paying attention to people when they spoke to me. However, she never really addressed nonverbal cues. As a result, my face often tells an entirely different story than I’d like to portray. I cannot even count how many times a coworker has told me that they thought I was upset or didn’t like them, a customer accused me of being rude, or a supervisor thought I was being insubordinate.

The reality of it all though, is that my nonverbal cues throw everyone off. Somehow, somewhere, in the midst of all my childhood lessons, I never quite learned how to turn down the volume in my face. Often, I have to make a very conscious effort to control my face. I internally tell myself to smile, ensure my eyes aren’t squinted, and my hands aren’t positioned in any form that may come across as aggressive, overpowering or angry.

While this method has helped some, that’s not always the case. I never really understood the full power of non-verbal cues until I quit asking why people kept accusing me of being rude, and started asking myself why they might think I’m being rude in the first place- after all, I said nice things!