Abandoned

The only thing worse than divorce has to be abandonment. And I don’t mean me. I couldn’t give one single fuck less that he abandoned me, or our vows for forever. No, it’s her.

He left her by force the first night. And for a while he acted heartbroken and incomplete. He made it out that I was keeping him from seeing her. But, I was keeping him from hurting me. After a couple whiny, crafted texts about how I was preventing him from having her or that I wasn’t an “effective coparent”, he quit texting altogether. He quit seeing her altogether. Perhaps he quit loving her altogether.

Weekly I’ve texted, asking if this will be the week he finally comes to see her. And weekly he gives a poor excuse about work, or the price of gas. Or worse yet, he doesn’t respond at all.

He saw her for Christmas and sometimes I wonder if that was his final goodbye. She doesn’t understand why her dad is just a talking face on a tiny screen now. She makes up wild little stories about him and all the things he’s doing and why he isn’t here. It breaks my heart. And it hits me, this is how his son acted, and this is how his ex felt.

So here I am, on my daughter’s 4th Birthday, with the soul-crushing revelation that the only thing she’d wish for in the entire world…is for her dad to be a father again. And the only wish I can’t grant her, is that.

#mb